put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
