4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
