Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you will always have a special place in my vag
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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