ugly people sure do ruin things
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
