I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize