I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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