We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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