I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
