how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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