there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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