I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
