I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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