I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
vagina is talking i cant
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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