and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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