i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
