I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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