I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
