The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
