meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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