It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
