I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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