He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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