New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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