I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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