It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
