somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
