Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
