How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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