I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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