Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
