I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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