I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
