so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
