i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
