It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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