To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
