he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
