fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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