Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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