i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
