I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Are my feet made of real feet?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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