I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
BRING THE BAGELS
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
