Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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