she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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