Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
