Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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