everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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