I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
