Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
