remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
