I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
