so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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