this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
