If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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