it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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