porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
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The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
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IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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