Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
