Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
