??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
