she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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