i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
nutella sex= disaster
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
