You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
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You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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