nut hugger
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
