I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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