Michael Bay diarrhea
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
